There was a time when I was filled with joy and exuberance. A kid who played day in and day out. Scaled up the tops of hillocks, jumped in the puddles, fought dragons, and you bet I did much more. Life was fun back then. Now, I am insecure. Devoid of friendships in the beginning stages of my stay at IITK, I am afraid of losing the ones that I made later.
Struggles with Belonging
The fact that I was a student from a reserved category made me feel that I never belonged here. The memes that showed up only made it worse. It made me feel that I stole someone's seat and forced my way in. People could not get the hang of me. They did not understand how I was the way I was, and the worst part was most of them didn't even bother to understand my situation. Living in solace was what I ended up doing.
The Pressure to Succeed
I could sense all of us going crazy. Everyone has their own reasons, be it the academics that were there or the crazy lockdown that is happening now. Now that I look back upon it, all of us were running after one thing or the other. Starting with getting into IIT, to getting good grades, or that sports team you wanted to be part of, or running for one's own career, to drowning oneself in things when you "failed" to reach your goal.
"We all have plans of what to do when we succeed, but no one has plans of what to do when they fail." – Sushant Singh Rajput
What are we running for? What are we losing in that process? How is it affecting us?
Reflections on Loss
Life is hard, I understand that. But suicide? Hearing that Sushant Singh Rajput is no more with us left me shattered. I have lost some of my friends and family members to this monstrosity, but the person who advocated standing up for oneself going away from that rendered me speechless.
"Have you ever missed the person who won't be coming back, whatsoever? The pain and guilt that you had to carry, for not being able to talk to them and listen to their problems when they were around you, have you ever experienced that?"
Questions to Ponder
The questions asked above are daunting and sadly real. Here are some more to understand where you stand after reading them:
- How did you react when the author said that they belonged to a reserved category?
- Do you think your thought process was justified?
- Have you ever been in a situation where you had this huge pain or guilt in your heart while carrying on with your daily lives? How did you manage?
- What can we as a student community do to make it easier for people around us to have a better life the next day?
- How important is it to keep a check on others?
- How important is it to ask for help?
The Importance of Talking
Mental health issues are real. People around us are facing problems that one can hardly imagine. Covering up with a shell, lying to oneself is how they move forward. Thinning away from their original selves and letting it go. Why is this happening? Why are we harming each other? Why are we pulling down on those who help?
Facing reality is often harsh, but talking helps. Remember that you matter. The people around you matter. It is time we started keeping a check on our friends, families, and loved ones. It is time we learn to ask for help when needed. For we cannot let this world turn to the cruel side anymore.